Sobin Speaks: "The boy-child is tolerable"

I recently had a chance to sit down with Sobin, the family cat, to get his take on how life has changed since Silas was born. Here's what he had to say:

Amber: It's an honor to speak with you, Sobin. What were your first impressions of Silas?

Sobin: At first, I was mildly annoyed. He smelled funny and made weird noises. I decided to avoid him as much as possible. That was before my "realization." Since then, I've come to believe that the boy-child is tolerable, perhaps even more than tolerable.

A: Tell me more about this "realization" as you call it; what do you mean by that?

S: Well, I was staring at the boy-child one day, and he looked back at me and laughed. That's when it hit me. I own this child. Just like I own his parents.

A: Really. How did you draw that conclusion?

S: It's obvious, isn't it? The boy-child thinks I'm here for his own amusement, as do his mother and father. While it's clear that they are delusional, this false thinking actually works in my favor. They are charmed by me and therefore, they do my bidding. This boy-child will be even better then his parents because I can raise him and train him just the way I want.

A: What do you intend to do, when you say "train him?"

S: Well, right now, he is too young to walk or open doors, or the drawer to where my food is stored, for instance. But it's only a matter of time. He is growing stronger every day. He already follows the movements of my other servants when they fill my bowl and open the door to let me out. But unlike the adults, this child won't pretend to "control" me by locking my door at night or restricting my treat intake. All I'll have to do is endure his clumsy petting for five seconds,
and he will give me anything I desire.

A: Speaking of "giving," I heard that Silas has already given you something that used to be his. Is that true?

S: I believe you are speaking of the car seat? That was mine to begin with, actually. I let him borrow it as part of my master plan to make him think I really care about his well being. Yes, now that he's grown out of it, I've taken it back.

A: So, am I to believe you really care nothing for the baby, or for us, for that matter? Why do we keep feeding you, and putting up with your constant whining, then?

S: Purr, purr, purr. I love you so much. Purr, purr. Watch me grab this ball of yarn and play with it. I'm just like a kitten. Purr, purr, purr.

A: Awww, that's so cute. You are the best cat Ever!

S: (barely audible) fool.

A: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk with me. I really appreciate it.

S: Scratch my ears or leave my presence at once.